So I've been thinking about this upcoming Disney movie The Princess and the Frog a whole bunch and I am so torn I don't even know what to do with myself.

First, okay, I need to prepare myself for the RaceFail because, hello, it's Disney. ( Nothing you don't already know. )

Second, I am ANNOYED that partly I do feel grateful that this movie exists at all. Because, God help me, I am grateful. I am grateful that Disney has finally condescended to tell a story that has black people in it, at all, never even MIND that they're the main characters. Never mind that it only took them a zillion years. 2009 is way past time. ( My perspective on Disney movies and what they teach children. )

Okay so today Jordan and I went to the HARRY POTTER EXHIBITION at the Boston Museum of Science and it was AMAZING. Like, I was prepared for disappointment and it was better than my WILDEST DREAMS.

Well, okay, there were a couple of things that could have been slightly cooler. But. Basically she and I spent the entire hour we were there going, Look at this! Oh my God did you see...? Oh look! That is sick! That is raw! That is fantastic! WE ARE SUCH FANGIRLS.

But the details -- everybody's wands -- all the books -- all the words -- We were totally into it from the second they started the tour because they did it in a really cool way. I won't tell you too much in case you go. BASICALLY IF YOU ARE A CRAZY HARRY POTTER FAN IT IS WORTH $26 EVEN IF YOU ARE POOR WHICH WE ARE. (Jordan's grandma helped pay for us to go, but if I had known ahead of time how cool it was instead of feeling faithless [FAITHLESS] doubt I would have found a way.)

The gift shop was ridiculously expensive. If I were a rich person, I would completely have bought my own Time Turner. Or a DA pendant. Or a plushie Buckbeak. Or a Gryffindor sweatshirt. Or a set of Wizarding currency. Or the Marauder's map. Or perhaps a mug that says MISCHIEF MANAGED when there is hot liquid inside of it. But I am not rich, though I WAS able to get a Hogwarts banner which we are going to hang above my bed.

HARRY POTTER ILU. No lie.

Just ran into a rumor that Adrianne Palicki and Alan Tudyk are dating. How much does that make me smile?

So... I can skate along on my parents' health insurance until January, at which point I must manage my own. I'd say fuck it and risk going without, except if something really bad happens and I need surgery or something, my parents would have to pay for it, and that could screw them over.

I'm already (way) behind on the research I promised my mom I'd do on health insurance and so today is my research day. I'm kind of afraid to start. ::hides::

( 5x09, The Real Ghostbusters. )

I miss the days when Sam and Dean smiled. Because they never, ever do anymore. Just lots of stoicism occasionally broken by irritation and repressed overprotectiveness. It sucks, because both boys are beautiful when they smile. Just rewatched "Sympathy for the Devil", and at the very end, when Bobby forgives Sam as the boys leave his hospital room, Sam flashes this gorgeous little grateful something that changes his entire face.

It doesn't take much for an actor to be stoic, but there is no show I know that was improved by its characters becoming and staying depressed. Buffy? Angel? Dark Angel? The moments in Supernatural that were funny kept the world-saving from becoming monotonous. I'm sick of Sam's polite!smile, which is more of a grimace and does nothing for him. I'm sick of Dean's lip-pursing and his stupid goddamn Batman voice. What is with that? Castiel has one too, and I can't take either of them seriously when they speak that way. At least Batman had an alter ego to protect as his excuse.

If the show would stop worrying about the fans reading homoerotic subtext into everything and GIVE US BACK THE BROTHERS WHO LOVED EACH OTHER, everything would be so much better, no lie.

Also, someone high up on the Supernatural food chain has read Good Omens a few too many times. If next week's demon Crowley drives a 1926 Bentley, I'll be kind of irritated. I get that Supernatural draws a lot of its oomph from stuff everybody knows -- music, movies, folklore, lots of self-referential stuff. But that would irritate me, especially because that would make Castiel Aziraphale.

Okay.

Once again, Glee has fucked with my head and just made me ANGRY when instead I wanted laughter and music. High School Musical and Spectacular! never did this to me, but then again, they never tried for significant social commentary.

( My thoughts on Kurt. )

( My thoughts on Rachel. )

MERCEDES. Yes, Mercedes, we know you're black. We won't forget because you're the only black person on the show. While I am not opposed to giving traditionally staid songs some soul, perhaps we could refrain from phrases like "chocolate thunder"? Just my own personal preference. ( Further thoughts on Mercedes. )

( ...and all the rest of it. )

Basically I came off this week hating everybody. Why do I do this to myself?

For almost all of the TV shows I watch (and there are a bunch), it really doesn't matter to me that I don't have a TV. I mean, I have a laptop with a huge screen and a wicked fast internet connection, I watch everything on Hulu the day after. Whatevs.

But. SUPERNATURAL. Curse you, show! It only posts on the CW, and that site freezes my Foxfire, so I went ahead and got a Season Pass on iTunes (just watch -- I'll probably still buy it on DVD for the special features. I am so lame), but I am SO INVESTED that waiting the extra day to download the ep just gets my goat. Enough that I use idioms like "gets my goat".

I wish I could just watch it Thursday nights, commercial breaks and all. Down, fangirl, down!

A bit about my dad.

His family had a long, kind of twisted history of violence -- I keep on finding out more and more and all of it is upsetting and in a way I'm kind of glad I don't know any of my dad's family well. Because I'd be much more upset that way.

Um. So. There was a lot of unhappiness, violence and trauma in and around my dad's childhood, and he lied about his age to join up with the Air Force to get away from it all... And then while he was away some really awful stuff happened to his mom and brother that he thought he should have protected them from, so he re-enlisted and fought in Vietnam.

Whenever I think about this stuff I feel sad and frightened. My dad was a Green Beret, which I guess they now call Special Forces. He experienced, and, I imagine, did, a lot of horrible things while he was over there, and he came home to little to no support and was never really all the way okay, I don't think.

I think it would be kind of bogus to thank his memory for defending my country, because a) I don't at all think that's what the Vietnam war was about and b) that has little to nothing to do with why he went. But. He did give a lot of himself. And he was very very brave. And he was undeniably a good man.

There was a lot of violence in his life, and his death five years ago was violent too, but his own nature wasn't violent. He was terrified of being a bad person and a bad father. He was an excellent actor -- maybe in part because he didn't have to be himself when he was onstage. He loved good old-fashioned rhythm and blues. He loved soul food. He had a great laugh. He wore ridiculous glasses. He was very, very handsome. He loved his mother and his brother. He loved my mother, even though that got complicated. And he loved me.

So I'm borrowing Dark Angel from my library. I decided to do this mainly because Jensen Ackles shows up a lot in S2 and you know how I love him. I just finished his S1 episode and am breaking just to say... Jesus Christ he is so pretty. Like, I really can't take it. I am just transfixed by him EVEN WHEN HE IS KIND OF EVIL.

Eyes. Mouth. Cheekbones. Hands. UNF.

Um.

All right, so, "Mystery Spot" is one of the episodes that hit me hardest. ( All my thoughts prior to last night's episode. )

Don't think I don't love Dean because BELIEVE YOU ME I love Dean. I could wax poetic about that for a while but it might make me cry. Most of all I love SAM AND DEAN together. Not just in a slashy way, although you know how I dig that. Just -- as their own codependent insular unit. Those boys love each other so much, and there are so many people in their world trying to get in there and fuck around and turn them against each other. They've been manipulated backwards, forwards and sideways by angels and demons alike, and they've both been stupid and secretive and close-minded and confused, but in the end they must know what matters. Sam and Dean. It's not that complicated.

( On to 5x08. )

I think that's it for now.

More Supernatural commentary. I am now muddling through S4. (This is why having things on DVD is bad news bears. I will watch it ALL and am then left in a fandom coma. I do this with books, too. The only thing I can do at the end is to go back and rewatch or reread, slowly, so I don't overwhelm myself like an idiot. It's like brainfreeze, but not from ice cream.)

ANYWAY. "Sex and Violence", 4x13? Possibly the slashiest episode of anything I have ever seen in my life. The only way it could have become ACTUAL FANFICTION is if Sam and Dean gave up and made out onscreen.

AAAAAAAAAAAH Any of you who watch SPN I'd love to squee over this with you.

Soooooo I am in the middle of Supernatural S3 (yes, I caved, I own seasons 1-4 now) and I just had to pause after "A Very Supernatural Christmas" to make smishy sounds at the boys.

Aside from, you know, my dirty thoughts and the EXTREMELY SUBTLE, EXTREMELY GAY subtext that's not so much under the text unless you count being under it in bed, I just dearly love Sam and Dean as a team. Especially once S2 started and the show more made up its mind what it wanted to be, those boys are funny. Like, not-even-trying-that-hard funny. And very, very sweet.

OMG I love wee!Sam&Dean. And seriously, the actor who played miniature Sam was SPOT ON. Down to the expressive forehead and the emo head-shakes and the bitchface and his UNFLINCHING FAITH IN DEAN OMG.

Also, Supernatural fandom is a lot of fun. There is a TON of well-written novel-length fic. Every other story on the Big Bang lists is like finding $20 in your pocket you didn't know was there. I find myself joining in the RPS, which generally I don't because I think that's pushing a boundary except sometimes I must. I did for LotR, and I did for STXI because, dude, Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto? YES PLEASE. But for Supernatural? Jared and Jensen live together, dude. And they don't say "We're roommates," they say "We live together." I FIND SUBTEXT IN THINGS THAT ARE NOT SCRIPTED. Their BFFness makes my heart smile.

Done with the fangirling. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming. Further bulletins as events warrant.

ETA: Jesus Christ, "Mystery Spot" is upsetting. It starts out like a bullet to the chest, and then it gets funny, and then you think it's over, and then it's like STITCHING YOURSELF UP ALONE after you remove the bullet you forgot about with tweezers. Holy shit.

No ranting this time, just general thoughts and bewilderment.

OH GLEE! HOW CAN I HATE YOU SO MUCH AND LOVE YOU SO MUCH AT THE SAME TIME?!

( 1x08: Mash-up )

ETA: On a completely different TV-show subject... LIE TO ME. OMG. I love Cal and Gillian's friendship like I love very very very good pie. Just so much. I don't even need to ship them in fanfic, I am just glad they both exist in the same universe. The last five minutes of this week's show made my night.

... Yes, I do watch everything on Hulu over the weekend. Why do you ask?

So... I'm on to Heroes S2 now, and I'm surprised at how much I like it. It's a weird balance -- I'm into it enough to imagine all sorts of subtextual things, but not so into it that I feel like finding good Heroes fanfiction. Maybe it's because of how many main characters there are? I don't know.

I really like Claire, which is surprising to me, considering how much she whines. But I like it when good things happen to her. And I love Peter kind of a lot. The whole lopsided smile used to grate on my nerves, but now I find it endearing. And I find him very cute. He's like a pocket-sized superhero.

And then, of course, there's Sylar... The reason I started watching in the first place. I have a deep affection for Zachary Quinto. I want to be his friend and treat him to something frothy at Starbucks, but in lieu of that I'll watch him petulantly kill people.

So... Ashley Tisdale's music video for "Crank It Up" is here (I don't know how to embed, sorry, and I'm too lazy to look it up right now).

I'll say it again. Ashley? What are you doing?

She looks like someone took Madonna, Christina, and Britney, each at their most starved and drugged-up, and combined them into one depressed, bored, teeny-tiny body. And the song itself sounds like Madonna, Lady Gaga and Britney, all at their most electronic and weird, but only if someone took a special vacuum and sucked all the fun out.

I'm hardly a serious Tisdale fan. I mean, I get a kick out of Sharpay and I find her character interesting when good authors expand on what it means to be just that pink. But Ashley herself I'm not so interested in. I think she's cute, though, and I liked her cover of "Kiss the Girl" even though everything in my soul told me know, and I liked her breakup anthem that came out earlier this year. I just don't get why she's gone soulless all of a sudden. It seems so unnecessary.

So this week's Glee... ( Glee 1x07, 'Throwdown' )

I really, really want to like this show. Sometimes the only thing that was happy in my life, from when I was nine to when I was eighteen, was choir. Finally, thought I, a high school experience that's relevant to me!

But if I get this pissed every week it's totally not worth it.

Alexis Denisof on Dollhouse, James Marsters on Lie to Me... Does anyone else feel like shaking water out of their ears when these guys speak with American accents?

In other news, next on my shopping list is SPN 2 & 3. I got SPN S2 from the library, but there are scratches -- only, of course, during AHBL 1 & 2. My life, ladies and gentlemen. I was able to get the gist, though.

Proof of my pervy brain: I observed, while watching "Heart" and comparing it factually, objectively, and not at all dirtily to "Highway 666", that Sam and Dean bust the same move during sex. Somehow this is proof of slash and is not at all a coincidence, and there are people who agree with me.

Sam/Dean, "This New Condition of Living" by sevenfists.

Best Booth/Bones quote EVER: "I will be your hamlet of eight hundred people or less."

(Although now that I think about it, that should actually be fewer, not less, and Bones should have known that. But I'll let it go.)

Also I love Parker and his excellent child logic. He must hang out with the squints and be BFF with them OMG.

That is all.

So I'm watching Season 1 of Heroes -- this started out being purely for Zachary Quinto and, um, it still kind of is -- and this is what I noticed.

Chapter Fourteen, "Distractions." The license plate of Hiro's dad's car is NCC-1701. Hiro's dad is played by George Takei, i.e., Sulu from Star Trek: TOS. NCC-1701 is the serial number (or whatever) of the USS Enterprise. It's on her hull.

I cannot believe I picked this up on my own.

is anyone else creeped out by the new Axe commercials? I mean, all Axe commercials are creepy, but this leather one just gives me the wiggins.